Micro Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Shockingly horrible to the point of being comical.

Seriously, I came out of the theater laughing at it's suckiosity. The film was pretty good (maybe even very good) for the first hour or so, although it dragged on and made you feel like one of the old people in the movie just passing time. Then it just tried to do too much.

Benjamin Button seemed determined to become the new Forrest Gump, throwing mounds of metaphors, historical references, etc. etc. The problem is, none of it worked well. Historical events the movie referenced only in passing, and with not enough tie-in to the plot to really matter at all. Love scenes were tedious, you began to lose connection to the characters as soon as Pitt isn't a sweet old man. (Or maye the womenfolk in the audience started really paying attention?)

For some reaosn, the film begins with narration by a dying, old, old, women who is old. Her mumbled death throws are barely audible and mostly incomprehensible, then within a few minutes the director must have realized this and told her to abandon the dying voice thing all together, and quite suddently. By the end, the film is ludicrous. He is your father! ooooo! Of course this is your father, otherwise why would the entire movie be veneered by such a thin premise? The hummingbird comes out of nowhere as if to say, "Hey! I was that one hummingbird Benjamin saw for 5 seconds earlier! Here I am! Magic!" By this time, there were literally snores in the audience. I had been holding pee for nigh 2 hours, yes the film is 3.

My final feeling is that this movie is not meant for my target audience (non-senial people) and is instead geared towards the aging baby boomers. The message seems to be, "Hey, it sucks you're getting old and dying, but at least you're not getting younger! Oh, and do you remember all this stuff that happened in history?" It has a great, sappy soundtrack if you're into that kind of thing (I am) and will keep you entertained here and there, usually in flashbacks that have nothing to do with the main characters. I'm not sure why this movie rated so high with critics. The cheesy forrest gump feel? An aging critic base? Bradd Pitt's ass? Whatever the reasons, I learned soemthing today: pseudo-pedophelia is ok when it's an older women with a young male, but not the other way around.

Iroh's New Voice is Offensive

For those of you who don't watch Avatar: The Last Airbender, I highly recommend it. Avatar is a kid's cartoon show on Nickelodeon with a heavy "asian mysticism" motif. I'm not going to elaborate, except to say that although the target audience is probably for children, the show is appealing to all ages from my young brother to my not so young mother. I, obviously, am also a huge fan.

The character of Uncle Iroh is a wise, hilarious and warm-hearted old man. Those of you who know the show probably love Iroh as I do. When Mako, the actor who provided Iroh's voice died, the show replaced him with Greg Baldwin. For those who don't know, Iroh is a somewhat archetypal old asian wiseman with Mako's voice. This old asian wiseman voice is now provided by Greg Baldwin, and reviews are lauding his performance, saying, "I can't even tell the difference! This is great!"

This is not great. I can't believe I haven't found an outpour of outrage. If I were to create an archetypal- hell, I'll just say in - stereotypical old black character (let's say, Boondock's Uncle Ruckus) and have him voiced by a guy named Greg Baldwin (think, middle-aged, overweight, and white) the NAACP would be all over the producers of that show like white on rice, pun intended. Are you kidding me? Why hasn't Baldwin's portrayal, which by the way, sounds NOTHING like the old Iroh to educated ears and minds, drawn parallels to black-face? Why are all you people taking this sitting down? I'm sick of the "Last Samurai" being Tom Cruise. I'm sick of Jackie Chan and Jet Li playing supporting roles to Michael Anthony Angarano. And I'm sick of Uncle Iroh being voiced by Greg Baldwin.